NURSING INSIGHTS

Rona's Gift Colleen Richardson talks to Roger Simpson about the bereavement support he, and his children, received from the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home. Roger's wife, Rona, died two years ago. "Rona's gift to me was this house. We both had life insurances so when she died, her insurance enabled me to pay off our mortgage. I now don't owe a penny to anyone. I'm also doing a job that I really enjoy which is in catering. "What family do you have?" I asked as I sipped the excellent coffee Roger had made for me.

"I have two daughters, Lisa is sixteen this year and Elinor is twenty-three. I also have a prima donna of a granddaughter of five. We did have a son, Philip, who died a cot death at fourteen weeks.

"When I was called to Hemel Hospital that day, I found poor Rona was in a terrible state, and was being tenderly comforted by five year old Elinor. That year we had a really awful Christmas as the baby died on 22nd December. Several years later, in 1989, Lisa was born.

"Tell me how you both met?"

"I was a large rugby player in those days and I played for Adeyfield Rugby Club. It was on 21st June 1974. I had arranged a Midsummer Rugby Club disco. Rona was staying in Boxmoor with my friends Roy and Dora and they brought her along. I was passing Rona as she caught her heel in her long dress. I saved her from falling and thought: 'Ooh! That's nice. That's petite.' I walked up to my friend, Gordon, who was running the disco and asked him to play a really smoochy number for me. To my horror Gordon announced to the room that this number was for me because I was 'on the pull!

"The result was that I took Rona home that evening, saw her again on Sunday and called for her on the Monday and proposed to her on the Tuesday. I was accepted on the Thursday.

"We were married in January of the following year and lived in a small flat in Boxmoor, near the Post Office Arms. When we moved in, Rona and I went there for a beer. It was the first time I'd seen someone so small down a pint faster than I could!

"Later on I got a job managing an off-licence in Tring and we lived in a huge maisonette above the shop. I joined Tring Rugby Club - a very socially active club - and it was nothing to have about fifteen people back to ours for Sunday roast lunch, with everyone pooling all their meat.

"Rona and I did everything together, she was incredibly intelligent and stimulating. A few years later we moved back to Hemel Hempstead and Rona first worked in a playgroup behind the Stoneycroft shops and then for the Co-op there.

"How did you both realise that Rona had cancer?"

"Well she was having trouble walking. It turned out she had a deep vein thrombosis. She had treatment but was still unable to walk. It was then they decided to do a hysterectomy. During the operation the medics discovered a total mess inside her. She had two types. One was all in the liver and stomach. Our family doctor introduced us to the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home and immediately the nurses were helping us. One, Helen, came with us to Mount Vernon Hospital. 'How long have we got?' I asked. 'It could be two weeks or two years,' the doctor replied. 'It depends if it goes to the spine.' We were lucky. We got twenty-one months."

"Did she have a good quality of life during that period?" I asked.

"Brilliant. She was working up to three weeks before she died. You couldn't keep her out of the Co-op. She was in charge of the wine and spirits section. Rona was a little Scottish lass with big glasses, who loved everyone and everyone loved her."

"How are you now? It's over two years since Rona died."

"Yes it was 18th April 2000. I am lucky to have so many genuine friends. Gordon was there when Rona and I met, he was best man at my wedding and sang 'Love Is Just Around The Corner' and sang the same song at Rona's funeral. Then there is Roy, who had me working at the bakery when Rona was so ill. I had time off whenever I wanted it."

"Have you found the bereavement service that the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home gives of comfort to you?" I asked.

"Very much so. Knowing that there was a phone number you could call if you were having a perfectly lousy day, was an enormously comforting feeling. It was like the continuous love and care that they had given to Rona, was still being given to the entire family. Lisa was only thirteen and they would sometimes ring up specially to speak to her. Her exam results have just come through and she is going to college in Watford to study Fashion Design and Textiles.

"For the last two years the nurses have given me a lifeline in enabling me to remember the good times I'd had with Rona. They were telling me things that Rona had told them that she had never said to me.

"When she lay dying, one of the Iain Rennie nurses, who was off duty, asked if she could come up to see her. The nurse thought that much of Rona.

"At the funeral people asked what they could give and I just told them to donate something to the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home. They had collecting boxes everywhere. There was about a thousand pounds in the end. When the funeral cortege passed the Warners End shops, the Co-op had shut and all the people were outside to pay their respects.

"When the nurses came to talk to us afterwards, we really felt they cared about the person who had died. The whole Iain Rennie organisation offer you their warm friendship and that means a lot when someone, who is the other half of your life, has died."

The IRHH offers each and every bereaved individual or family, support in their bereavement. This may be one-to-one visits from either an Iain Rennie Nurse, a trained volunteer Bereavement Visitor or our Family Support Co-ordinator. We also offer Social Support Groups, Evening Support Groups and Chrysalis Club, an annual workshop for bereaved children.