Nursing Insights
A Positive Approach, A Positive Choice - Carole Niven talks to Lionel Vokes
Lionel Vokes was busily repotting some giant palms when I called to talk to him. The palms stand in a quiet shady area of his garden which he created for his wife Viv during her final illness. Lionel remembers Viv spending time in her " Garden of Dreams " with friends enjoying a cool glass of wine. Viv was cared for at home by the IRHH nurses until her death four years ago.
Throughout Viv's illness Lionel had been battling with prostate cancer but he put that to one side, continued to run his business and do a very demanding physical job, at the same time as caring for Viv.
He describes the IRHH nurses fondly. "They became a part of the family; both Viv and I looked forward to seeing them. It was brilliant to have their help. They would often come in twos and while one would be dealing with Viv's needs the other would come and sit in the garden with me and ask how I was coping. This was so important because people didn't always think about the fact that in many ways it was just as difficult for me as it was for Viv."
He was also extremely grateful for the way in which the nurses worked closely with Viv's doctors, liaising with them and helping to arrange any additional medical help that she needed. They also helped by guiding Lionel through all the practicalities following Viv's death.
There have been two significant occasions when Lionel has been grateful for the IRHH nurses' ability to speak frankly. Lionel found life without Viv very tough and was having difficulty moving on with his life. "The nurses have this ability to do some very straight talking without you realising it" remarked Lionel as he described to me the support and encouragement he received in the months following his bereavement. With that support he was able to balance his grief and the need to continue with his own life.
A year after Viv's death Lionel and his neighbours held a barbeque to raise £50 to help IRHH. He was impressed with the support that the fundraising team offered and it was such a success that they raised £1,000.
The second important occasion was when it was found that his prostate cancer had spread and he was suffering acute symptoms. The symptoms were debilitating, the regime of medications was challenging and at one time Lionel was not coping with it very well. He became very ill and despairing. With some more disguised straight talking the nurses persuaded him to take a more positive approach. They helped him to gain control of how to use his medication to best effect and set him on the road to managing his illness and symptoms.
Viv died at home but Lionel has made the positive personal decision to spend his last days in the Aylesbury hospice, Florence Nightingale House. The IRHH nurses and the staff at the hospice work in a very special collaborative way. This enables Lionel to continue with the support of the IRHH nurses, visit Florence Nightingale weekly and plan ahead. "The staff at Florence Nightingale House work in a very similar way to the IRHH nurses", Lionel explained, "They have the same calm, friendly approach and don't wear uniforms."
IRHH nurses do not wear a uniform, which allows them to protect their patients' privacy when visiting them at home, and Lionel believes that this is a significant factor in the comfortable relationship they build with their patients. They seem less official without losing their professionalism.
Despite some initial misgivings he enjoys his weekly visits to Florence Nightingale House. He meets other people there who are living with life limiting illnesses, enjoying their company.
In a very poignant moment Lionel described his feelings. "I don't want to die but I no longer dread it. Having watched how the nurses helped Viv pass away without pain I don't fear it any more. And I will continue to sing their praises for the next ten years - please come back then and interview me again."
A very positive approach.
