Nursing Insights
I Talked To Jean - Dennis Glover in conversation with Colleen Richardson
"I chucked them all out, even Jean's sister from Ireland. 'I want to be alone with my wife,' I told them."
I was visiting Dennis Glover at his home, just a few weeks after his lovely Jean had died on the evening of February 23rd of this year.
"Had they all made you cross?" I asked.
"No, it wasn't like that. It's just that when someone dies they have to do all the business they have to, and then somebody asked me did I want the undertakers to come? 'They do a twenty-four hour service,' they told me. I said 'no, I just want to be alone with my wife. Just all go away and leave me.'
"Then I sat beside her and talked to her all night. I told her how much our thirty-seven years together had meant to me. I promised to keep the house nice as she'd always done, and fill the rooms with flowers. I said that I would tend her special trees and plants in the garden and cook tasty meals for me, just as I had done the last few years for both of us.
"I thanked her for our two lovely children, Julie and Michael and said how beautiful she had looked in her violet dress and shocking pink scarf, at the double wedding they had in November of last year.
Jean, Julie and Kylie at the double wedding
"I talked and talked and I believe she listened. She looked so calm and peaceful, with no dreadful pain marring her tranquil expression. By morning, I felt much better and thought I could cope with anything that might come up next."
"What a wonderful idea to do that," I said. "How did you two meet?"
"We met at Kodak. I was there forty-two years and now our son works for them, on the computer side. He is working in Melbourne at present with his wife Kylie. They have just told me that their first baby is on its way later this year. Jean would have been so pleased.
"The double wedding on November 24th last year for Julie and Steve and Michael and Kylie, was the highlight of the year for us all, and kept Jean going through all her terrible pain. The help we had from the Iain Rennie nurses and the Hospice of St Francis was amazing and made it all possible for Jean to be there.
"It was one of the Rennie nurses that arranged for a boutique to visit the Hospice and Diane, a Hospice nurse, took a real shine to Jean and helped her choose her wedding outfit.
"The wedding was at Shendish Manor in Apsley. It started off very elegantly with a harp and a flute accompanying the ceremony." Dennis gave a laugh and continued, "but the rot set in as soon as the disco started.
"Jean said she wouldn't sit in her wheelchair until after the ceremony and managed with two sticks. Lilian Nye, one of the wonderful Iain Rennie nurses was hovering in the background, in case some medication was needed. My biggest memory of Jean was on that day, when everyone was so happy."
Jean had breast cancer in 1990 from which she fully recovered, but sadly, in 1998, it was discovered that she had developed cancer in the other breast. This time she was not so fortunate and it entered the lymph gland. Due to this she finally developed bone cancer in her back.
"Anyway, during 1998 and 1999, both Jean and I were in and out of hospital during the same period. Then in August of 2000 Jean began to have really bad pain and was admitted to the Hospice of St Francis. Later on, when she needed a lot of nursing, they wanted to put her into hospital but I said 'no, I could nurse her.' That was when the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home came to help. It was about eighteen months ago when they began to come regularly. They did everything, washed her, changed the bedding and gave her medication when it was required. I called it nursing with TLC! Jean and I built up quite a friendship with them.
"On February 20th, I took her up a tray of tea and biscuits and she turned to me and said, 'this is a good day for me to die.'
"I said 'you're not ready yet'. She said, 'I am.' She was quite right, you know. She was in a lot of pain. 'What I dread,' she went on, 'is to have a horrible death.'
"I replied, 'don't worry about that. I'll just dial 890444 and get the Iain Rennie nurses to come round and sort you out.'
"On the Friday, Jean had been through a very bad night, and on Saturday morning, she was calling out, 'please help me somebody'. I told her that I'd called the Rennie nurses to come, but it didn't register with her, she was in so much pain. When the nurses arrived, they got permission from the GP to increase the medication as she was in such pain and distress. This calmed her down. Lynn Grout came in three times that day and the third time Jean had gone to sleep. Lynn told me not to worry, that Jean was not feeling anything and was not in any pain. I was so relieved for her and hoped she was having pleasant dreams."
Dennis waved me goodbye from his pretty front garden. I waved back to a sad, but determined man. Determined to get his problems sorted out and to live a life. At the moment, however, he still forgets sometimes that Jean isn't with him, and puts out two cups when he makes the morning tea.
