Nursing Insights
Happiness for the second time- Liz Gresham tells Colleen Richardson how she coped with the death of her first husband while working as an Iain Rennie Nurse.
Iain Rennie nurse, Liz Gresham, is a very happy woman once more. On 21st June this year she married again, having been a widow since 1998. Her new husband is Ronnie Lewin whose wife, Elaine, died tragically of cancer in the year 2000. Elaine was only nursed for a short time by the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home team, but they gave much needed help and support to Ronnie and Elaine throughout a heartbreaking time for the family.
After his wife's death, Ronnie still found that he needed a lot of support, advice and comfort from the Iain Rennie nurses. They gave him this unstintingly. Liz Gresham was just one of this team of IRHH nurses that cared for Elaine and was well able to understand, both personally and professionally, how he felt. She herself was still getting over the sad loss of her own husband, Richard, in 1998.
It was in 1997 that Richard was diagnosed as having stomach cancer, "but," said Liz, "he wouldn't give in to it. He was desperate to live to see the first of our three daughters, Catherine, get married. He was mentally very strong and continued to go into the office, but in pushing his body to the limit, the cancer spread. Very soon his gut perforated and he died, very quickly, from septicaemia.
"So you see he was never really ill from the nursing point of view. He went to work every day and I did as well. Had he needed nursing, I would have probably asked my Iain Rennie colleagues to help us.
"As it happened, he just came home from work one day looking dreadfully ill and on the Tuesday before he died, he insisted that he went to say goodbye to his doctor at Mount Vernon Hospital. The next day, we managed to get to the hospital on our own. I was very touched, however, to discover later, that the Iain Rennie nurses had organised full transport to get us there and back, so that Richard and I would have their full support for the trip. Richard died that evening.
"Even though I was part of the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home service, so that they knew me well, their thoughtfulness in finding out what Richard and I really needed was very moving. It showed me that the Iain Rennie team try really hard to understand their patients' individual needs."
Liz worked for the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home as a specialist nurse for fifteen years and has only left the team recently. When she has settled down in her new house and marriage, she told me that she might return. This time, however, it will be as a volunteer.
Liz did her training at Barts Hospital and later, when she and her husband moved away from London, she worked as a school nurse. Soon afterwards, her three daughters were born so she had ten years out of nursing, although, when the youngest went to school, Liz did some nursing in nursing homes and also for nursing agencies.
When Liz finally joined the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home she told me what she loved about the organisation most was the real, basic bedside nursing that was required. She felt that she had found a niche in nursing that she really liked.
"How did you feel, going back to nursing cancer patients, after Richard died?"
"Well everything in my life had changed after Richard's death," replied Liz. The one thing that was going to be the same was Iain Rennie. I felt a bit like a boat at sea without an anchor or rudder. Going back gave me a reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I tried not to let people know of my own loss, but, because we lived locally in Beaconsfield, of course people did know about Richard. My fear was that patients would not be able to talk freely to me in case of upsetting me. But then I thought: I shouldn't be going back to work if I'm so fragile."
I asked Liz to tell me of some of her nursing experiences during her long service at the IRHH.
"Well," began Liz, "I've always thought that it was such a privilege to be allowed into people's own homes, especially at a time when they are probably at the lowest emotional point in their lives. Usually I felt very welcomed.
"I think one of the very important factors for us to remember, as nurses, is that when you go into people's homes, you should always be aware that you are a guest. One of the differences about looking after people in their own homes, as opposed to looking after them in a hospital, is that the control is with the patient and their families. This means that they can do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it. In my own case, with Richard, it was very good for all of us that he died in his own home."
"How do you think the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home is doing now? Has it changed since you began there?"
"Well, it has become a very much more professional and widely recognised organisation during the time I have been with them. Everyone is very well trained and highly qualified. I am sure it will go from strength to strength. I think the policy decision to appoint fundraisers has been a good one. Volunteers, by themselves, cannot raise the sort of money that the IRHH now requires."
Since the sad death of Richard, much has happened to Liz. Catherine has a two-year-old boy called Matthew, her second daughter, Nicola has married and her first baby, Ella, was born this May. Her third daughter, Sarah is now also married - a month after her mother married Ronnie Lewin.
Liz certainly deserves her new happiness, and I know she has a lot to look forward to, with her increasing family, her new husband and with her love and caring attitude towards people in general.
